Astros Rivals: Five Reasons To Hate The Texas Rangers

Jul 7, 2014; Arlington, TX, USA; The Silver Boot trophy is on display on the concourse for the Lone Star series with the Texas Rangers playinng against the Houston Astros at Global Life Park in Arlington. Mandatory Credit: Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

This afternoon the Houston Astros head north to faceoff against our one true rival in the American League, the Texas Rangers. We here at Climbing Tal’s Hill celebrate rivalries because fans tend to get a little more worked up about the opponent and we’d like to think that the players do, as well.

Records against your division rivals can make or break a season, and in a particularly bad year, a better head-to-head series against your rivals can add some shine to the tarnish.

Houston fans don’t really need an excuse to hate the teams from Dallas, and vice versa. We just do. It’s ingrained in our hearts and minds since birth – thou shall not betray the home teams in favor of another team from THAT city. Rumor has it that in some families, members could face excommunication for such a traitorous act.

In the “Lone Star Series,” aka the battle for the Silver Boot, the Texas Rangers are winning 7-4-3 since the inception of the series in 2001. However, the Astros reclaimed the title last year and are looking to keep the metallic footwear in the Bayou City where it belongs.

There’s nothing better than an old-fashioned rivalry, so without further ado, here are five reasons you should hate the Texas Rangers:

Next: DFW and Facebook

Apr 6, 2014; St. Petersburg, FL, USA; Texas Rangers hat and glove lay in the dugout against the Tampa Bay Rays at Tropicana Field. Texas Rangers defeated the Tampa Bay Rays 3-0. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Reason #1:

They play in the Dallas-Fort Worth metro, which is like the Kim Kardashian of Texas cities. Over-primped and self-absorbed, Big D is always looking down its nose at H-Town as if it wasn’t good enough. Heck, they wouldn’t even talk to us at a social gathering if it weren’t for the fact that we’re in the same state. Bunch of snobs.

But if they were really better than us, then why did they have to combine two cities to compete with our one?

Here are three reasons, out of many, why Houston is better than Dallas, just in case you didn’t already know:

• The Houston Livestock Show & Rodeo
• NASA (The Johnson Space Center)
• Debbie never did her thing here. You know what I’m talking about.

Reason #2:

The Rangers own the state of Texas, according to Facebook, due to the amount of “likes” each team received across each county.

It’s Facebook, though. It can’t be right, right?

Next: The Dutch Oven

Mar 2, 2015; Surprise, AZ, USA; Texas Rangers starting pitcher

(45) poses for a portrait during Photo Day at Surprise Stadium. Mandatory Credit: Joe Camporeale-USA TODAY Sports

Reason #3:

Starting pitcher Derek Holland’s nickname is “Dutch Oven.” Do you know what a dutch oven is? Maybe you’re thinking about the deep dish cookware, but that’s not what we’re going for here.

In slang terms, a “dutch oven” is when someone farts under the blanket and pulls it over their bedmate’s head. It’s cruel and unusual, and it may be outlawed by the Geneva Conventions (although it is hilarious if you aren’t the victim).

Also, Holland has a dish named after him at Globe Life Park in Arlington. The ingredients include tater tots, steak or chicken, bell peppers, jalapenos, and buffalo sauce. Sounds like a prelude to a dutch oven. With a meal like that, Rangers fans should be thankful they sit in an open air stadium.

So next time you think of Derek Holland, pinch your nose and think of how unpleasant that nickname is.

Next: The Ryan Express

Jul 27, 2014; Cooperstown, NY, USA; Hall of Fame player Nolan Ryan responds to being introduced during the class of 2014 national baseball Hall of Fame induction ceremony at National Baseball Hall of Fame. Mandatory Credit: Gregory J. Fisher-USA TODAY Sports

Reason #4:

Nolan Ryan left the Astros to play for the Rangers in 1989. This is one of those events that fans like myself took personally. If there was any consolation, it was that he didn’t leave the state of Texas.

During his nine seasons with the Astros, Ryan posted a 106-94 record with a 3.13 ERA, 38 complete games, 13 shutouts,  and 1866 strikeouts. He pitched one of his seven no-hitters in an Astros uniform on September 26, 1981. He helped lead Houston to postseason appearances in 1980, 1981, and 1986. He was from nearby Alvin!

And then he left to finish his career in Arlington and recorded two more no-hitters. He even went into the baseball Hall of Fame with a Rangers cap on his plaque. Rubbing salt in the wound, one Rangers blog had the audacity to name their site after him – Nolan Writin’.

(My feelings are still a little hurt.)

Thankfully we got “The Ryan Express” back last year.

Next: Globe Life Park in Arlington