Houston Astros To Try New Approach, Stop Using Analytics


Late last night, Houston Astros owner Jim Crane and General Manager Jeff Luhnow announced that they are going to stop using an analytics-based approach to rebuilding the team. Surprisingly, the local and national media has yet to weigh in on this story.

This is a shocking turn of events considering all the attention the team has received since the Crane-Luhnow tandem took over the franchise back in 2012 and started the rebuilding effort. The Astros were recently ranked in ESPN’s “The Great Analytics Rankings” as the second-most committed team to analytics in all of American sports. Now the front office has had a change of heart (and head).

Luhnow, the architect of the rebuild, is now looking toward fan input as his main source of reasoning towards making roster decisions. Says the GM:

We have absolutely no idea of what we’re doing – GM Jeff Luhnow

“Mr. Crane and I had a heart-to-heart and we’ve come to the realization that our sabremetric methods are nothing in comparison to the ideas that fans and bloggers come up with. Since social media is such a driving force, the decision sciences team will now rely solely on hashtags and fan votes before we make any moves. This allows for a more democratic process and will hopefully result in more satisfaction for our fans. It was a tough decision but these fans have helped us realize that our process was too slow and that we have absolutely no idea of what we’re doing.”

Jim Crane echoed Luhnow’s thoughts:

“If the fans aren’t happy, we’re not happy. Championships are secondary to the whims of our fanbase. If they want to see Mark Appel traded, we’ll put it to a vote. If they want to see Dallas Keuchel’s beard trimmed – fan vote. This move will also save us money in the front office. We’re going to clean house by getting rid of these overpaid eggheads and hire one or two media-savvy college students who know how to use Twitter and can set up a spreadsheet.”

There’s no way to tell how this will turn out for the Houston Astros just yet, but one can speculate that things are about to get really messy. Furthermore, if the team deems this method a success, who knows what they’ll implement next.

Will Colby Rasmus be required to cut his hair? What if fans ask Chris Carter to bunt for a hit? Will tofu burgers replace the brisket sandwiches at Minute Maid Park?

These would be some things to ponder if it was any other day of the year. Thankfully, it is just April 1st. Happy April Fool’s Day!

Next: How Will The Astros Handle Correa in 2016?

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