Houston Astros players, figures as Star Wars characters

On this May the 4th, we came up with a few Star Wars character comparisons for some Houston Astros players.

On this annual Star Wars Day, I figured there’s no better way to celebrate my favorite film franchise than by combining it with my favorite team in my favorite sport. So I came up with a list of Star Wars characters and figured out which Houston Astros player would be that character.

Now in order to keep this from getting too long and complicated, I only used characters from the original Star Wars trilogy — with one exception. It also means, fortunately, there are no references to that godforsaken sequel trilogy. I’ll just go on pretending that it never happened.

Jose Altuve: Yoda

Yeah, this was too easy. Both are small in stature, but don’t let their size fool you. Yoda is one of the most powerful Jedi and a fierce warrior. Altuve is one of the best hitters in the game, and has three batting titles and an MVP to prove it. Plus, Altuve is currently the longest-tenured Astros player, and Yoda is, well, ridiculously old.

Justin Verlander: Obi-Wan Kenobi

The wise, seasoned, well-traveled veteran. Verlander has fought and won many battles but hasn’t lost his touch. Obi-Wan didn’t really lose his, as he only lost when he allowed Darth Vader to defeat him. Verlander will probably continue to pitch until he decides he’s done, and it’s hard to see him going out any other way.

Lance McCullers Jr.: Luke Skywalker

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McCullers is the future, and though he might not necessarily be in training with Verlander, there’s no doubt that Verlander has some things to teach him. McCullers has already proven to be a fierce warrior in his own right, as evidenced by his baffling the Evil Empire (Yankees) on 24 straight curveballs in 2017. Also interesting: McCullers recently had Tommy John surgery, while Luke lost his hand. Not quite the same, but interesting nonetheless.

Alex Bregman: Han Solo

Bregman has a little bit of brashness to him, which fits with Solo. He’s not cocky, but he’s certainly not lacking in confidence. But he’s loyal, he’s a fighter, and there’s more to him than meets the eye. One might not think the Millennium Falcon is one of the fastest ships in the galaxy just by looking at it, and one might not think Bregman is a 40-homer slugger just by looking at him. But I wouldn’t rather have anyone else on my side.

Yordan Alvarez: Chewbacca

For one, there are the physical similarities. Chewbacca is both particularly tall and strong, as is the 6’5″ Alvarez, who can send a baseball into orbit. But Chewie is also both smart and skilled. Alvarez isn’t all power — that would make him Chris Carter. He hits for average, he draws walks, he makes adjustments; in other words, he’s a complete hitter. And pitchers are smart to not mess with him.

Josh Reddick: Princess Leia

Everyone remembers the revealing outfit Leia was forced to wear by Jabba the Hutt. Reddick’s outfits during clubhouse celebrations have to be the equivalent of that, right?

Gerrit Cole: Darth Vader

Cole isn’t with the Astros anymore, of course, but that’s what makes him the perfect Vader. He had been a powerful Jedi (Astro) until he was seduced (overpaid) by the Dark Side (Yankees). What’ll really be interesting is if Cole and Verlander ever pitch against each other.

AJ Hinch: Mace Windu

This is my one exception to the original trilogy rule, partially because I love Mace Windu. But also partially because Hinch just fits. Windu was the head of the Jedi Council before being betrayed and murdered. Hinch was the Astros manager before being betrayed and fired, in a sense. While our version of Vader (Cole) isn’t responsible, Hinch still makes sense as Windu. Hey, I never said these were perfect comparisons.

Rob Manfred: Emperor Palpatine

The man behind the curtain, pulling the strings. Palpatine is the head of the Empire, and while Manfred isn’t necessarily the head of the Yankees, he does seem to exhibit some favoritism to the big-market teams like the Yankees and Red Sox. Manfred might not be quite as ruthless as Palpatine, but he is, in a way, responsible for Hinch’s ousting and very much seems to be an enemy to the Astros.

Mike Fiers: Boba Fett

I also thought about Jabba the Hutt for Fiers, but I think Fett fits better. It is Fett who locates the Millennium Falcon and turns its occupants over to the Empire, just as it was Fiers who turned the Astros over to the wolves. Fett did it for profit, as he was a bounty hunter. Fiers likely did it for a form of profit as well, because the Astros shelled him in 2019 and he could paint himself as the moral, principled whistleblower by throwing his former team under the bus.

May the Fourth be with you, Astros fans!