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Mr. Commissioner, I’m Your Friend and I’m Here to Help
Aug 14, 2014; Baltimore, MD, USA; Newly elected commissioner of baseball Rob Manfred speaks at a press conference after being elected by team owners to be the next commissioner of Major League Baseball. Mandatory Credit: H.Darr Beiser-USA TODAY Sports
Hello, Mr. Rob Manfred, Commissioner of Baseball. My name is Brinn Williford, and I’m here to help you do your job. I know, I can feel your eyes roll all the way here in Texas. As if you need more help, or more people telling you what to do, right? Well, I’m different. I don’t want to tell you what to do. I want to encourage you to do nothing. Well, almost nothing.
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You have entered into a very stressful position of authority. A position that comes with people tugging on your arm making suggestions at every turn. Interviewers constantly challenging you with “what are you going to do about this” scenarios. I can just imagine all the pressures that you are under. That’s why I am here. I pledge to you that I will be your lone voice of reason, crying out in the wilderness that is the Internet. I volunteer to be the whisperer of common sense that is there for you when you need it, when you have that feeling deep down inside that you are getting bad advice. Yessir, I’m your man. Just call me Mr. Helper, I have no skin in the game. And best of all, my advice and help is FREE!
Let me start this business partnership by taking a big load off your back as it concerns Pace of Play. I know your predecessor began efforts to speed up the game and keep people engaged. Just so you know, baseball is not supposed to be on the clock. Speaking from personal experience, I need to have a portion of my life that is not rushed. As it is now, traffic is rushed, work deadlines are rushed, and everybody is in a hurry. Speed limits are up to 75 (and I’m okay with that). Even my Internet is high-speed. Commissioner Manfred, don’t eliminate a chance for people to slow down. There is a reassurance that at a ballgame I can go get a pretzel, a hot dog, and my beverage of choice and get back to my seat without missing a whole lot of the game, especially if I plan things right and go when the bottom of the order is due up. It’s like a three-hour picnic where a lot of the food is brought to me!
“Symbolically, because there’s so much talk about it and it is reflective of the way people live and of our society, I think it’s important to say to our fans, yes, we hear you and we’re taking steps to do something about this.” – Commissioner Rob Manfred
When interviewed by Ken Rosenthal of Fox Sorts about the pace of play, you indicated you wanted to speed it up, because as you put it, “Symbolically, because there’s so much talk about it and it is reflective of the way people live and of our society, I think it’s important to say to our fans, yes, we hear you and we’re taking steps to do something about this.”
Friend, it is precisely because our society lives so fast that this issue needs to go away. Baseball is America’s Game. America needs to relax – to spend some time away from the doom and gloom on the news, away from the computer screen and the sales deadlines and the delivery schedules and paying bills and who knows what else. I need to chillax before my head explodes. And I need to do it at the baseball game. And remember, the only ones talking about pace of play are the complainers. Even if you change something they will still complain. A complainer’s got to complain.
The grass is greener. The air is cleaner. The sounds of the game are just right. The pace is perfect. Television networks shouldn’t be in such a hurry to get to their next programs at the end of the game. People in a hurry can go watch NASCAR. Relax. Take a load off. Loosen that tie. Enjoy yourself. Baseball season is almost here.
For other helpful hints on running the game Mr. Commissioner, simply add this site to your favorites or follow me on Twitter. I’ll be back in touch! And, as your friend, holla if you need me!